Let me think... back then we rode around on dinosaurs and, more importantly, there was no Internet. This has major implications in the development of my sexuality. People with non-standard sexual tastes could easily go through their whole lives thinking of themselves as uniquely weird deviants. One might never realize that there were others with similar feelings. One might never experience the satisfaction of hearing somebody else putting into words those hard to express feelings. I was alone.

I was vaguely aware that I was turned on by spanking because of my reaction to the spanking scene in Robert Heinlein's I Will Fear No Evil which I read in my early teens. I was uncomfortable with these feelings. I threw out my copy of the book. I don't think I ever talked about them with anyone for years.

I married when I was 21 and had my first child at 23. I don't think I could have committed to submission then. It didn't occur to either of us to put the word "obey" in the marriage vows. And yet, looking back, I can see it was attracting me. There were many things that I was unhappy with about myself. For example, I was easily angered and lacked self-discipline. I identified with Kate in The Taming of the Shrew and wanted a Petruchio to fix my personality flaws. It probably would have been too unreasonable to place such a burden on my husband when we were young. And yet, in the long run, my husband did become my Petruchio.

He grew into his authority. Or maybe I grew into seeing it. Over time, I came to think of him more and more as a strong, wise, good person. I respected him, trusted his judgement and learned to turn to him for guidance.

Meanwhile, perhaps ten or so years ago, I got plugged into the Internet and discovered the world. Among my discoveries was the knowledge that being turned on by spankings was a fairly mild kink and I was able to tell my husband about it. It became part of erotic play for us but recently has developed into something more. I had a growing awareness that I didn't want to just play at spanking. Somehow, my husband physically disciplining me embodies his authority over me. It has become real, not a game and I still don't quite understand what is happening. Whatever it is touches me very deeply.